Drunken Gundams (Doesn't really have a name)
by Kin Ryu
Summary: I got bored, so the G-Boys got bored, so they got drunk.


Don't Ever Get Drunk With Gundam People

  
  


No missions had come in so the Gundam Boys had NOTHING to do. What else was there? Of course, I forgot, get drunk. 

  
  


Heero downed another bottle of beer and ordered a case of vodka instead. 

  
  


"Stuff's too weak. Don't know how you.....*burp*.....drink it all the time, Duo." Heero swayed on his stool and fell backwards, bottle in hand. 

  
  


Duo looked down at Heero and muttered something about "beer being weak?" He turned to the others. Wufei had a glass of rice wine in his hand, his twenty-ninth one. Quatre sat in front of a white wine spritzer. Trowa sat beside him with a shot of vodka from Heero's case. The others looked fine except for Quatre. He seemed a little queezy. He had to lean against Trowa to keep his balance.

  
  


Suddenly Wufei went face first into the table. His rice wine spilled over the table and splashed Duo's leather coat. 

  
  


"Damn. Can't any of you get drunk and not spill something? Haven't you guys drunk before? It's not that hard," Duo muttered and wiped his hand on the spot of alcohol. He turned to the other two remaining boys. 

  
  


"I got an idea," Trowa started. "Before anyone else faints, let's call Treize and Zechs over for a couple of dozen rounds." Duo nodded. He got up from the table and pulled some quarters from his pocket and called Zechs. 

  
  


"Hey, Zechs. It's Duo. Look we're down at the pub. Want to join us?"

  
  


"Sure. How about I bring Noin? Would you guys mind?" Zechs replied.

  
  


"I don't see why not. And call Treize. Tell him to come too." Duo hung up the phone and walked back to the table. Trowa was the only one sitting on his stool now. 

  
  


"Hey, Trowa. Where's Quatre?" Trowa pointed to the stools where Quatre was stretched out. 

  
  


"So? Are they coming?"

  
  


Duo nodded. "Yeah. Zechs said he and Noin would come. He's gonna call Treize and invite him." Trowa nodded.

  
  


About twenty minutes later, Zechs and Treize appeared in front of the table, each with a drink in hand. Zechs looked down at Heero and nudged him with his toe. Heero groaned and rolled over. He muttered something. Zechs bent down to hear it. "Duo.......not now.......ai shiteru......" Zechs nodded and got back up. 

  
  


Trieze looked at Wufei passed out on the table and lifted an eyebrow. A clicking sound was heard and the military version Colonel Une came up behind Treize and put her hand through his arm. She took a long swig of some brown colored liquor. She seemed to be smashed already.

  
  


Zechs, Treize and Une sat down at the table and looked around at their former enemies. 

  
  


"Hey, Zechs. Where's the Missus? I thought she was coming too?" 

  
  


"Well, she decided not too." 

  
  


The five of them sat there for a good twenty minutes talking about stuff I'm sure you don't want to be bored by so I'll skip it. (That and I don't know what they're talking about! ^_^;) Soooooo anyway.....

  
  


Heero woke up and got off the floor in time to hear Duo mention something about dares. By this time, they were so drunk they don't care. What the hell? Let's do it! Heero peered around the table.

  
  


"Now where the hell is my vodka.....? Trowa!" Trowa downed the last bottle and handed it to Heero. Heero whipped out his gun and pointed it at the taller boy. "Bastard." 

  
  


Anyway......after about twenty more minutes of fighting and stuff, Quatre and Wufei have woken up and decide to play the dare game. The group wander off to various vehicles and drive to Duo's apartment where Duo pulls out a box of dares (from Hammerspace). He hands the box around and suddenly Treize hauls out the first dare. It says "You gotta FRENCH kiss the person beside you!" He looks to his right and left. Heero and Wufei. Hard choice. He turns to his right and FRENCH's Heero! (OH MY GOD! I can't believe I put that in there! O.O Duo's gonna kill me!) 

  
  


Duo started laughing his head off at Heero's obviously surprised reaction. Treize kept kissing Heero long after he should have stopped. And Heero seemed to be falling into it. Both Duo and Lady Une jumped up and grab their boyfriend. 

  
  


Treize passed the box to Wufei and around the circle. Zechs is the next to pull out a dare. "Dress up like a chicken and squawk. (P.S. Don't forget to lay an egg!)" 

  
  


"What the hell??? Duo, do you actually keep a chicken costume around here?" Zechs asks, slurring his words. Duo noded and, again, pulls it from Hammerspace. He handed it to Zechs, who promptly strips right there and puts it on. He sat on the floor and started squawking. When he got up, there's a brown egg under his butt. (What the hell? Where did that come from?) 

  
  


Duo looked utterly astounded but picks it up nonetheless and puts it in the fridge. The box started back around the circle and stopped at Lady Une. She picked out a paper that says "Sleep with Trowa and don't come down for the rest of the night." (OH GOD! Gomen ne, Quatre-chan!) 

  
  


Lady Une looked up at Duo, surprised. Or as surprised as she could look drunk. She leaned over to Trowa and showed him the paper with the dare on it. One visible eyebrow went up as high as possible. He glared at Duo and opened his mouth to say something when Duo cut him off.

  
  


"Sorry, Trowa. Une. That's what the paper says, that's what y'all do."

  
  


Trowa stood up and put out a hand to Lady Une, who took it and got up. They went to the bedrooms upstairs and there was complete silence in the circle as a door could be heard clicking closed. Zechs stared at Duo and let his jaw drop open.

  
  


"What was on that.....*burp*.....paper?" he said as he tilted slightly onto Heero, who promptly gave him a push in the other direction. 

  
  


"You'll find out when Lady Une delivers..." Duo replied mysteriously. 

  
  


"Delivers? Une and Trowa went upstairs to order a pizza?" Quatre asked and fell on his back. He tried to get back up but decided that the floor was comfortable. 

  
  


Close enough. The box started around again. Heero is the next to pick out a dare. He read it and let it fall out of his hand from pure shock. Treize picked it up and read it aloud.

  
  


"Streak through an assembly of the World's Nation. Can only be done while Relena is there!" Treize dropped it too and stared at Duo. Duo just smiled a huge lopsided grin. 

"Well, Heero....Heero?" He snapped his fingers in Heero's face. Heero whipped out his gun and fired it at Duo. Luckily the drunken Japanese can't fire straight so it nailed a wall instead. Heero put the gun away, into his jeans belt, and looks at Duo. 

  
  


"I. AM. NOT. STREAKING. THROUGH. ANY. ASSEMBLY. WITH. RELENA. IN. IT!" Heero yelled, putting emphasis on each word. Duo shrugged.

  
  


"Okay. If the Perfect Soldier's a chicken.....'kay with me. Cluck, cluck." Duo looked at Heero, who was turning extremely red in the face. 

  
  


"I am not a chicken. I am Heero Yuy," Heero responded to Duo's taunt.

  
  


Duo acted surprised then seemed as if he were remembering something. "Oh yeah!" he yelled in sudden excitement. "Zechs is the chicken!" he screamed pointing at the blonde haired pilot.

  
  


Zechs was about to say something when abruptly a loud slamming was heard from upstairs. Zechs sat there with his mouth hanging open, listening to the moaning and other various "noises" coming from upstairs. Quatre bounced back up from his place on the floor as he could hear Trowa's name being called out. Treize stared at the shorter pilot. Then both gazed back at the ceiling. All that could be heard was squeaking and the sound of Colonel Une calling out. Duo dropped his mouth open, as did the rest of them.

  
  


"Duo? What's going on up there?" Quatre asked, words slurred. (ñ_ñ; oh god! Here it comes! Someone please hide me! *Relena ducks under a blanket and hopes that the drunken Treize and Quatre don't see her*)

  
  


"Weeellllll......" Duo started, dragging the word out. "The paper that Lady Une pulled out said that whoever was holding the paper had to....um...had to...." 

  
  


"Had to what, Duo?!" Heero hollered, momentarily sobered. 

  
  


"Had to sleep together and stay up there the rest of the night," Duo muttered below his breath. 

  
  


"Speak up, Duo." Heero latched onto Duo's braid with one hand and stuck his gun under Duo's chin. "We can't hear you."

  
  


Duo repeated what he had said and now Heero was trying to protect Duo rather than kill him. Quatre jumped and clawed at Heero, trying to get pass. Zechs was holding back Treize, like Heero. Duo jumped up and backed into the wall and a corner.

  
  


"Hey! It wasn't my fault that Lady Une happened to pick out that paper, Treize! And it wasn't my fault that Trowa was the one she had to sleep with."

  
  


"Yes it was!" Quatre yelled. Heero was just barely holding him back. (O.O Zero System flashbacks! Help.) Suddenly Quatre made it pass Heero and went straight for Duo. Duo ducked and ran clumsily for the stairwell. Quatre tailed his rear.

  
  


Duo ran to the end of the hall and hid in the darkness of one of the bedrooms. He turned his head away from the door so that his pale skin couldn't be seen in the blackness. Suddenly, a warm feeling traced his cheek. His eyes snapped open and Duo turned towards the feeling. A warm wetness ran over his mouth and down his throat. A flash of blonde stroked his face. 

  
  


Quatre leaned his head back up from Duo's collarbone and flipped his hair out of his eyes. He moved closer to Duo so that his lips were inches from Duo's ear. 

  
  


"If Trowa can have a different lover tonight, then so can I," he whispered, barely audible before kissing Duo's ear. A shiver of delight ran down his back. He turned his head towards Quatre and started to kiss the Arabian's neck. 

  
  


Quatre's hands slipped up Duo's shirt and the buttons popped undone. He gently pulled off the priest's collar. Duo's hands wandered up to Quatre's shirt and pulled it off his shoulders. Quatre quickly spun Duo around and threw him on the bed. Duo lay there as Quatre walked back over and closed the door. A faint clicking sound could be heard as the bolt lock slipped into place. 

  
  


Quatre hurried back to the bed and within a matter of seconds was on top of Duo, pulling his black silk shirt off of him and slipping the light blue one under it off over his head. He continued to kiss Duo's exposed chest as Duo's nimble fingers resumed taking off Quatre's clothes.

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


Downstairs, in the living room (You thought that this was going to be a lemon, didn't you?! I don't write that stuff!) Heero, Wufei, Zechs and Treize looked at each other. 

  
  


"Where did Winner and Maxwell go? I'm not hearing any yelling or anything," Wufei stated.

  
  


"Like you can hear anything above the ruckus that Trowa and Une are making. It seems like they've gotten louder," Zechs replied. "If that's humanly possible."

  
  


Abruptly, Duo's voice could be heard above the noise. It was calling out Quatre's name. 

  
  


Heero's mouth dropped and he ran to the edge of the stairwell. His hand gripped the banister to avoid falling over. Heero cupped one hand to his ear and listened again. And again Duo's voice carried down the stairs.

  
  


Treize jumped up after Heero and chased him upstairs. Just as Heero was going to break down Duo and Quatre's door, Treize grabbed him and threw him into the next room and locked the door. Heero started to pound on the door. The lock rattled and bounced each time the door was slammed. 

  
  


Well, thought Treize (still drunk, remember?). There's only one way to keep him quiet. He pulled open the door and grabbed a hold of Heero's shirt. He pinned Heero against the wall and slammed the door shut behind him, locking it. Treize started to kiss Heero and Heero's arms came up around him and pulled him closer and tighter. A few seconds later, a fainting clicking could be heard as Treize's jacket hit the ground. 

  
  


Heero grabbed hold of Treize threw him on the bed, pouncing right on top of him. About a minute later a good size pile of laundry for two was laying on the floor right beside the bed. 

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


(Tricked you again! You thought there was going to be another lemon! Hee hee!)

  
  


Wufei and Zechs quickly turned their heads towards the upstairs bedrooms as more noise seemed to emanate from that general area of the house. 

  
  


A few seconds later, Treize's voice rang out down the hall and into the living room.

  
  


Wufei looked at Zechs and Zechs looked at Wufei. Pale blue eyes met intense black ones. (What with all the noise going on upstairs they probably couldn't help but get horny.) In an instant the two were on each other. Zechs and Wufei fell behind a couch. A moment later, Zechs's helmet rolled around the edge of the couch and stopped with a thump on the wall...

  
  


* * * * *

  
  


The next morning, Heero rolled over and his arm draped across warm flesh. The other person snuggled closer to him and started to kiss his chest. Heero reached his arm down and stroked the person's soft, smooth, hair. Not long enough to pass the waist. Not long enough to pass the waist? 

  
  


Heero sat bolt upright in his bed and looked down at the person laying beside him. Without a moment's hesitation he pulled the blankets up over his waist and jumped out of the bed.

  
  


"Une! What are you doing here? Where's Duo?!" Heero yelled out.

  
  


"Heero? Where's Mr Treize?" She looked around the room expectantly. The wind blew in the window and Lady Une finally realized that she was as naked as Heero. "HEY!" she screamed, trying to cover herself with pillows. "What do you think you're doing? Give me that damn blanket!" She made a dive for the sheet and ended up sprawled out on the floor, not covered whatsoever.

  
  


Heero stared at her in utter amazement. Suddenly a loud screech was heard across the hallway. The door flew open and in ran Trowa. He took one look at the very naked Lady Une laying on the floor and screamed, running back out the door. Zechs' head popped out into the hallway.

  
  


"Where's Noin?! What the hell are you pulling, Heero Yuy?! Why was I in bed with Trowa?" he asked, oh so calmly. 

  
  


Heero shook his head and shrugged. The blanket fell to the floor and Zechs' eyes trailed after it. Heero looked down and noticed the blanket had fallen. Before he could get to it, Une already had it wrapped around herself. 

  
  


A loud womanish scream erupted the end of the hall. Heero ran out and dropped his jaw in astoundment as Wufei ran towards him, screaming like an idiot. (And an onna. *Smiles!*) Wufei grabbed onto Heero bare shoulders and threw himself behind the Japanese pilot. 

  
  


A quickly as Wufei had come out of the room, so did Quatre. 

  
  


"What the hell were you doin' in my room?! Where's my Trowa?! You little bastard, if you don't tell me where Trowa is--" Quatre was cut off abruptly.

  
  


"Quatre? Where were you last night?" Trowa's bang bounced up above the chair that sat in the hall. Quatre walked over and pulled the bang and Trowa up from behind the seat. 

  
  


Duo's head popped out of a door down the hallway. His braid flicked around the frame and lay to rest at his knees. He stepped out into the passage, fully dressed. Heero stared behind him as Treize came out too, adjusting his jacket. 

  
  


Duo walked over and sat in the chair beside Trowa and Quatre. He leaned up slightly and kissed Quatre on the neck. 

  
  


"Thanks, Quatre. You were great last night...." He let the end of the sentence trail off with a smile. Trowa stared down at Duo then back at Quatre. Quatre dropped his head.

  
  


"I was drunk. And I was jealous so I slept with Duo last night."

  
  


"What about me?" Wufei cried out. "Obviously you slept with me too!"

  
  


Quatre shrugged. "I don't know about why I did that."

  
  


Heero turned towards Duo. His hand shot out and grabbed Duo's leather jacket, pulling Duo closer to his face.

  
  


"Omae o korosu, Duo." 

  
  


"Gee. How many times have I heard that?" Duo said. He moved forward and quickly had Heero pinned against the wall, kissing him. Quatre and Trowa followed suit. (Gee. That seems to be all anybody's doing in this story....)

  
  


Lady Une poked her head out of the room, fully dressed and very military. She adjusted her belt and when she looked up, Treize was already on her.

  
  


Wufei looked at Zechs and Zechs looked at Wufei. Pale blue eyes met intense black ones. In a moment, maybe less, they were already all over each other. 

  
  


Quickly, whatever clothes had been worn were thrown all over the hallway. 

  
  


(Oh god. O.o Too much sex? Maybe.)

  
  


After about an hour of you know what, (If you don't refer to the last comment in parentheses.) they all finally made it to the kitchen where Quatre and Trowa started to make breakfast for all of them. Lady Une was relaxed into Treize's arm as was Duo into Heero's. Zechs and Wufei were trying to avoid each other at all possible costs.

  
  


Once everyone was done eating and all the headaches and other hangover symptoms were taken care of, the group moved into the living room. Duo went to put on a movie. When he turned back to the various assortment of chairs and a couch he noticed something was missing.

  
  


"Hey, guys. Where's Zechs and Wufei?" They all shrugged.

  
  


Duo went back into the kitchen, followed quickly behind by the others. There, sprawled out on the floor and covered in flour and brown sugar and other stuff, was Zechs and Wufei. Wufei was cuddled right into Zechs' chest. Both were butt naked. 

  
  


"Do you think they had fun?" Duo asked as he turned back towards Heero and walked out of the kitchen with the others. 

  
  


~Owari~

  
  


Angel- There. Finished.

  
  


Heero- Are you kiddin' me? That was soooo stupid! I would never fuck Treize.

  
  


Treize- Didn't you enjoy the sex?

  
  


Heero- *nodding* Aa. But that's not the point!

  
  


Duo- You enjoyed it?! You're a dead man, Heero Yuy!

  
  


Heero- Hey, Angel! Little help here?

  
  


Angel- *shakes head* No help. You shouldn't have said that.

  
  


Wufei- Hey onna. *Relena turns towards him* Why was I with Zechs? I wanted Treize.

  
  


Zechs- Oh. I see. I wasn't good enough for you. Hm? Is that right?

  
  


Wufei- *nods* That's about right. And why was I screaming like a woman nonetheless? 

  
  


Angel- I thought it would be funny. That's all. *shivers as Wufei pulls out his katana. (No, not that katana, sick people!)*

  
  


Wufei- I think this is kind of funny. *attacks Angel with sword.*

  
  


Angel- Help! 

  
  


Treize, Zechs, Une, Quatre and Trowa- NO!

  
  


Noin- How come I didn't get to get drunk? I wanted to, too.

  
  


Angel- No more questions until this mad man stops tryin' to kill me.

  
  


Noin- *shrugs* Oh well. *walks off into the distance*

  
  


Zechs- Hey, Noin! Wait up, honey.

  
  


Angel- Well, if I ever get this little jam fixed, I'll write and finish another story A.S.A.P. Promise. Ja ne! Itai! *gets poked with Wufei's katana*


End file.
